How did I get here?!

I’ve thought about starting a blog for years. I convinced myself that I had something important to say (or at least worth saying), but I could never really get my head around what it was, or should be.

I am (I think) a perfectly average, normal person. Or, at least, I am pretty sure that all the bad things that have happened to me have also happened to millions of others.

Let me explain – I’m a 47 year old, white, anglo-saxon male. I have a reasonably high IQ (135ish) and stand at 6ft 3inch tall (in my socks). I’m reasonably fit (martial arts and occassional trips to the gymn) and hail from the bonnie country of Scotland, although I now live in the north east of England. I am educated to post-graduate level and currently earn a living as a Lecturer in Mathematics at a local college. So far, so good?

OK. I am twice married and (soon to be) twice divorced. In my adult life I have been been bankrupt through failed business ventures, made redundant, fired, hired, successful at senior management level, and unemployed. I’ve worked for global corporations and small independant businesses. My first marriage lasted 5 years and my second marriage 15 years. That one ended two years ago. I have two fantastic sons who live with their mother.  Thankfully, I have regular access to my children and an amicable relationship with my ex. As an inevitable result of the separation I moved out of my home, changed town (twice), changed job (twice) racked up debt (again) and now realise that it will take me years to financialy recover from these recent events.

HOWEVER! I’m not bitter. I rather like my life, even although I find it hard right now to make ends meet, and pay day can never come soon enough, things could certainly be much worse. I find it rather gratifying that I still have faith in who I am, and that I think I really have tried my best (most of the time) and can easily accept that I have made mistakes along the way. I honestly hope that every day I learn how to be a better person.

Like most humans in their forties, this is a time for reflection. And when I look back on my life, I can see that the path is not straight, or even crooked: it really is a twisty-turny thing. When I left school I had ambitions to become a portrait artist. When I realised that this would be a life of poverty (in all probability) I changed to graphic design. This co-incided with the advent of MacIntosh computers, and computer software skills led to a career in IT, which included Windows systems. Many years later, and through computer programming I found a love of statistics, which brought me to a love of mathematics. And here I am now – a teacher of maths. How did I get from portrait painter to maths teacher? Why did I let it happen? What about old-fashioned notions of destiny or fate?  It can’t be just me, surely? I admit my envy of those who seem to enjoy lives of great direction, so why have I not been able to keep my life on regular tracks?

Anyway, I don’t intend to use this blog to stare at my own belly-button, which would be very dull for me and you. But, my life has taught me to be tolerant of others and to forgive them their own failures, as I recognise I have more than enough of my own. An introvert by nature, I tend to be a “watcher-of-people”, and so would like to use this blog as a general platform to promote discussion with like-minded people about the world in general, and perhaps help others, like me, who are a little lost, but still feel passionate enough about life to challenge it in an intelligent manner.

Perhaps by doing so, I can continue to share the things I have learned, and continue my education through your shared comments and posts. This will not be a shouty thing – do you hear! If you want to complain about how awful life is, and how unfair the world is, then go away! There will be no place for you here. You know – the world does not care. Each of us needs to make our own happiness and find our own purpose. I’m not sure I know what mine is yet.

Do you?

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One Response to How did I get here?!

  1. dwjones1992 says:

    Thank you for linking my article, and thanks for the window into your life, its nice to hear someone come out of what sounds like a tough journey positive and still standing strong!

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